What are our preferred roles? Coaching with Wendy and Kerri

This past week I met with Kerri for our coaching. We each discussed what our preferred position was for conversing in dialogue with others in our lives. First we discussed the four-player model for group conversations in the work place. We agreed that a portion of the conversation would be dictated by manners or self-control of the participants in the conversation. I mentioned that at my job each week we have team meeting and that they are rather pointless. There is no back and forth dialogue but rather we are talked to. Each person in the meeting tends to get stuck in his or her position. Kerri and I discussed whether or not it is worth changing your position within the meetings because of the hierarchy of the individuals holding the meeting. It is frowned upon if you become the opposer in the meeting and are likely to receive feedback for being a bad team player if you give your opinion or make a suggestion on a topic. Kerri mentioned prior to our meeting, she had a argument/ conversation with her daughter. We then discussed how the dialogue or positions of dialogue have changed between children and their parents over the years. I explained that since I do not have children that I thought most children would be bystanders within a dialogue with their parents but Kerri stated that more and more children become opposer with their parents and tend to put up a fight.  We discussed the role that we play with various members of our families. With the older generations in my family, I tend to be the bystander.  It is seen as a sign of respect when you listen to what they tell you and you do it. It is considered disrespectful to question what a grandparent or parent is asking/ telling you to do. Kerri and I discussed that many members of our family expected us to be seen not heard. 

Wendy and I met with week for our coaching. We discussed the 4-player model and how we apply it to the different relationships in our lives.  Wendy mentioned that she played the opposite role with her mother. She tried the role of the mover rather than the follower.  She mentioned how with certain people in our lives it can become a long-standing role if we do not do anything to change it.  We discussed that with friends we can circle around with the different roles. With family members that are rigid it can be difficult to change the role because they expect the roles to remain the same out of respect.  I mentioned how I think the preferred role could play into the nuture vs nature discussion. Does your family and surrounding decide what role you will prefer or is that how you were born?

Wendy and I discussed practicing different roles of dialogue with members of our family or co-workers. I explained that I practiced the role of the opposer with my mom. I explained that my boyfriend and I just moved. I also went into the background of the relationship that I have with my mom and how she tends to the mover. She often will initiate ideas and offer direction on how she thinks things should be done. The way that she offers her opinions and gives advice appears to be judgmental and can come off as being rude.   My sisters and I over the years have learned to become the bystander in the dialogue with my mom but it has been difficult for our significant others who struggle to deal with this role in dialogue.