Coaching assignment #4 suspension

Michelle Jacobs

3/16/14

Coaching assignment # 4

This week while practicing suspension with my inner thoughts and feelings, I found it to be enlightening and peaceful. I found while meditating, it became easier to participate in the act of suspending. The first day I focused on using suspension solely on myself and focused on my thoughts and feelings. Surprising I found myself to be a happy person. Many of my thoughts and feelings when I was by myself or with friends and family were all happy feelings. The only time I felt annoyed or frustration was when I was with the general public. Times when I was in the store or driving in the car, I could see the shift in my feelings move towards being annoyed or frustrated. Normally I wouldn’t realize my frustration until later when I felt my jaw clenching but using suspension allowed me to see the frustration before I felt the body effects of tension. Once I felt I had a true understanding of suspension I attempted to use suspension with some family members and others that are typically easy to have a discussion with. I used suspension with my boyfriend, my mom and my sister. It was wonderful to attempt with my family and made the conversation easier to focus on while the other person was speaking. 

My first coaching call for the week, I met and coached Wendy. We discussed the idea of suspension and what we each felt suspension meant for us. Wendy explained that she used suspension with a close friend that she had a disagreement with over the summer. This friend stated that Wendy is at times judgmental towards her.  Wendy stated that she choose this particular friend because of the disagreement they had over the summer and because the friend has to have everything be about her. Wendy stated that suspension went well with this particular friend because the whole conversation was about her and what she wanted to say.  Wendy kept all of her judgments suspended, meaning she didn’t give her opinion or really talk much.  We each reflected on suspension and how we thought it could apply to each of our lives. I asked if Wendy found this task to be difficult and she stated no but felt the friendship was all about her friend and that’s all it would ever be. It’s just a one-way conversation and her friend just wants someone to listen to her. In our discussion a question came up; is suspension suppose to be used through the entire conversation or just parts of the conversation? She stated next time, she would like to add advocacy and try to use inquiry. The length of suspension is the question that we still have about suspension.

My second coaching call was with Kerri coaching me on suspension. Kerri and I discussed the practice of suspension and how we each tried to use it this week. I stated how I used suspension to become more aware of my feelings and thoughts. I mentioned how I used suspension with my family and friends. I thought it was easier to focus on the conversation.  I also stated that I used it with a difficult person at work and while it killed me to suspend judgments on that person I thought it was useful.  I can see myself using it with a difficult person more than with family and friends. The reason being I do not typically focus or expend additional energy on my conversations with family and friends like I do with co-workers.