Week 4 Coaching assignment #2- Four player model

In my first conversation, I practiced the role of the opposer. It was outside of my comfort level to engage in this role.  This past week my boyfriend and I moved to a new apartment. My mom came over to see our new apartment and typically has some comment about where an item was placed or why we picked out that type of furniture. So when she came to visit, I engaged the role of the opposer. Rather than just expect what she was saying and move the item or ask what furniture would have been a better pick, I challenged what she was saying and questioned her validity. It was difficult to challenge what she was saying because for years I usually assumed the role of the follower. I know my mom was a bit surprised to be questioned about what she was saying because all of her children tend to take on the role of follower or the bystander and they rarely change their role. I believe because my mom is moving away from dialogue, in most conversations we tend to get stuck in our positions.

            In my second conversation, I informally shared the model with my boyfriend Rob. I shared the four roles of Kandor’s model and explained what they each stood for.  I also discussed with him the four practices that pertain to the roles that I previously described. In our conversation, we discussed the members of our family and how some of them tend to get stuck in a particular position and few of them have their preferred dialogue position.  I later explained to him that while my mom was over that I had decided to change my preferred role with her while visiting our new apartment. Rob stated that he was able to distinguish the difference between my preferred role and the practiced role. He stated that the dialogue appeared contrived at the beginning but as the conversation continued, the new role seemed welcoming and fresh. He stated that the others around the conversation, my sister and step- dad seemed confused by the role reversal but thought it was good for my mom to engage in a dialogue outside of her typical role.

In my third conversation, I engaged in dialogue with my younger sister who I do not agree with some of her life choices and I tend to download when engaging in conversation with her. Rather than being the opposer like I usually engage in, I practiced the role of the mover. I listened to what she saying and I stopped and offered direction without any judgment. I initiated ideas for some of her problems and offered follow-up to her problems if she felt as though she needed it. My sister seemed very pleased with the change in my dialogue role. It allowed us to engage a friendly conversation. No longer downloading while engaged in conversation has helped me to practice role in dialogue that I am not typically accustomed to engaging in.